Life goes on...

This post is for a friend who is experiencing that drowning feeling and having a torrid time. I have not experienced my friend's situation before - I shudder about the prospect of it. This is an attempt to give some advice, guidance (which my friend asked for) and to put things in perspective. This is free advice. If you think whatever I've written below is rubbish, you may be right!

Falling in love...no, IMHO the L-word is too early and premature to use here. Its actually the wrong word.

Start again, when a person you (strongly) like rejects you it is depressing. You feel hollow, helpless and the rejection rankle you and it takes a while to get over it. Agreed. When the Significant Someone (SS) rejects you, it hits the sensitive corner present in every human called feelings. It hits you hard. Lot harder than you imagined. Ego takes a big hit. Rejection is an emotional blow which floors any person. Few people get up straightaway, most people take some time and the remaining gets identified as direct descendants of Devdas (Is there a female version of Devdas?).

People who are into this lauve business will get rejected or will reject a few before they find their real SS. Not all people are lucky to live happily-ever-after with the first person they like . Its like hitting bulls eye in your first shot without any practise (amazing skill or fluke).

We face rejection all the time in different forms and from various sources. From your best friend - to your boss- to your milkman- to your cat, everybody rejects you at some point. Yeah Yeah these 'rejections' are not the same as SS rejecting you. Its vastly different. But what to do? You cannot change or influence a person's mind. You never know what is going on in a person's mind. Human mind is fickle hence completely unpredictable. Love is complex. When you put these two elements (mysterious working of the mind & Love) together, you have an equation the solution for which is best determined by someone a bit higher than us. In Aaitha Ezhuthu (Yuva), Surya defines this equation very simply- its all hormonal based. I agree with that.

Look, I understand the 'attraction' that I think you have developed is something more than just 'looks'. I respect that. It happens. Remember, just because the other person rejected you doesn't mean you are bad or inferior. Please do not feel that way. It is dangerous as it'll have serious impact on your psyche, and most importantly, your self esteem. Its just that their expectations that he/she has for their ideal SS is different, or worse, they probably don't know what they want/expect; in your case, its probably continually changing as your SS walks through experiences in his/her life.

My friend, you have to move on from this. I know it'll be hard. Repeating your words: its like a scar on the body, it may heal but its still there. True! Take your time. Time is a healer. Life, they say, is a great teacher. I am sure you have learnt/are learning valuable lessons and this has helped you to better understand yourself. It'll be very unfair - both on yourself and for people close to you - if you don't come out of this because you deserve to be better. Liking/loving/crush is all part of life. Only a part. We land into problems when we think it is life. I know you understand this. You are smart enough not keep brooding about this. I am confident you will move on. You have to. You will. You will emerge as a better and stronger person.

Life teaches many things. This aspect of life is definitely not 'one-hit, you miss' kinda thing. There will be lots of 'meetings' later on. You know that. Forrest Gump said "Life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get" - so god-damn right. [However later in the same movie, he said "I am not a smart man, but I know what love is". What can I say?! (I included this because I know you'll counter argue the previous quote. Shut up! Don't say anything :D)]

Who knows, years down the line when you are happily married and have four kids, you sit back and introspect you may feel it was good that this was not meant to be.

Life moves on, I am sure you will too.

Hope this helps. All the best!