Monday, August 31, 2009

He is there

Thanks Traces

I started the day solemnly. My mind was restlessly skipping between that day and this day.

I was walking to the train station on my way to work this morning. I had an eerie feeling that someone was walking beside me. I slowed down and looked. There was no one. I knew it was him.

It's been a while since I've seen him. It's actually been a long time. So, I deliberately walk a little slower feeling he is lagging behind me. Maybe he'd catch up? I turn back. Again, no one.

I snuck in at work. I am in my cubicle, typing away. Suddenly, I look around as if someone called my name. Did someone call me? I don't know. I look around wondering where the voice came from. No one, again. Where is he?

Deciding to take a break, I come out. For a very brief moment, I saw him everywhere. I saw him in everyone. I saw his gentle smile splashed over people's faces. My colleague greeted me, I saw him and felt his warmth and cheerfulness. I re-lived his humour in the joke cracked at smoko, I heard his laughter when people laughed heartily. People seemed to be like a prism. They appear to disperse a particular quality, trait, gesture which were one of the many reasons I love him so much. I keep looking out for him, I don't see him though. He is on the other side shining brightly, too bright for lesser souls like me to see.

I ask myself, what's happening? I dunno. The mind does funny things on days like this. Certain moments and memories are poignant in ones life. This is probably his way of saying I am here. I am with you. I am watching ya! (the way Robert De Niro says it with that hand gesture in Meet the Fockers :D )

I sent an email to certain somebodys. It was a very short mail, just two words: 10 years.

I know you are there. I saw you today. I know you are watching me as I write this. I reach out to you all the time. The void that was created when you waved goodbye to us was never filled, it will never be filled. The memories and the lessons of love you inculcated in us helped us to get by. We miss you. You keep reminding us that you never left us. You appear to me in flashes - in the transience between happiness and tears, in the moment of transition from thinking wrong to thinking wise; you appear whenever we see ourselves the way you dreamed of seeing us. We see you when we look at life in your vision. I want to meet you again. It may be a while before I make the permanent shift from soul to spirit. Until then, I'll live with a renewed assurance that you are with me, with us. Always. In every little step, in every big leap - you'll be watching over us. You are, you definitely are.

Thatha, in memory of you with deepest gratitude, love and affection.


  1. What a fantastic tribute to your grandfather Sri :-)

  2. And inbetween those words of love and affection, your thatha shines through.

    I am sure he meant and means the world to you. And it is in your living the life that you live today...he lives through you !

    Wonderful tribute

  3. I love this...thank you for doing this my dear .... the long awaited one...

  4. dot, thanks!

    kavi, he sure does. twas his 10th death anniversary the other day. thank you :)

    anon, i know who u are :D thanks!

  5. Awesome post!! Excellent tribute to thatha.

  6. fd, thanks :)

    nirmal, thanks mate!

  7. Bloghopping in random led me here. Wouldn have commented had the post not been about a certain 'thatha'.

    I was reminded of mine and how I wrote a similar post sometime back. It seemed silly then:)

    Keep writing:)

  8. A very poignant tribute to your granddad sri.I am sure he is watching over you with pride and showering his blessings.

  9. archana, welcome! thanks for leaving a comment. your blog is awesome! great read. i looked thru to find the post you were referring to. i couldn't find it. link please?

    suman, thanks.

    vijay, thanks. 'vaanuyardha solayile' - saary. apdina enna artham? :)

    chithi, danke! :D

  10. Hey Sriram,

    Very sweet and touchy words.....Anything from the heart instants connects!!

    Btw, thatz Thanjavur temple, rite?? My native is thanjavur only!!!

  11. viji,

    thanks! yes it is thanjavur temple. my ancestors are from thanjavur district too (thiruvarur, mannargudi etc) :)

  12. Lovely post Sriram. It's so wonderful that you had such a beautiful relationship with your grandparents. You are lucky as are they.

  13. I just checked out your return comment in here. Belated, my reply be, here is the link:

    And thank you for your comment:) *Honored*

  14. got no words for this one, such an awesome tribute ma bro..

    i can feel his smile & warmth when i read this.

  15. This post left me smiling, warm and content. This post shows your wonderful character and is an absolutely awesome tribute to the sensational spirit of your grandfather. He is definitely living through your memories Sriram. The deep gratitude, love and affection you show him will secure his blessings and guide you to a deserving future :)

  16. Some of your blogs leaves me in tears.. Just before this i read about your paati, now your thatha... Great job! :)

  17. sowmya, hahah. na enna'nu solla. thank you! :)

  18. I don't have words only tears such a touching narration