Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Life goes on...

This post is for a friend who is experiencing that drowning feeling and having a torrid time. I have not experienced my friend's situation before - I shudder about the prospect of it. This is an attempt to give some advice, guidance (which my friend asked for) and to put things in perspective. This is free advice. If you think whatever I've written below is rubbish, you may be right!

Falling in, IMHO the L-word is too early and premature to use here. Its actually the wrong word.

Start again, when a person you (strongly) like rejects you it is depressing. You feel hollow, helpless and the rejection rankle you and it takes a while to get over it. Agreed. When the Significant Someone (SS) rejects you, it hits the sensitive corner present in every human called feelings. It hits you hard. Lot harder than you imagined. Ego takes a big hit. Rejection is an emotional blow which floors any person. Few people get up straightaway, most people take some time and the remaining gets identified as direct descendants of Devdas (Is there a female version of Devdas?).

People who are into this lauve business will get rejected or will reject a few before they find their real SS. Not all people are lucky to live happily-ever-after with the first person they like . Its like hitting bulls eye in your first shot without any practise (amazing skill or fluke).

We face rejection all the time in different forms and from various sources. From your best friend - to your boss- to your milkman- to your cat, everybody rejects you at some point. Yeah Yeah these 'rejections' are not the same as SS rejecting you. Its vastly different. But what to do? You cannot change or influence a person's mind. You never know what is going on in a person's mind. Human mind is fickle hence completely unpredictable. Love is complex. When you put these two elements (mysterious working of the mind & Love) together, you have an equation the solution for which is best determined by someone a bit higher than us. In Aaitha Ezhuthu (Yuva), Surya defines this equation very simply- its all hormonal based. I agree with that.

Look, I understand the 'attraction' that I think you have developed is something more than just 'looks'. I respect that. It happens. Remember, just because the other person rejected you doesn't mean you are bad or inferior. Please do not feel that way. It is dangerous as it'll have serious impact on your psyche, and most importantly, your self esteem. Its just that their expectations that he/she has for their ideal SS is different, or worse, they probably don't know what they want/expect; in your case, its probably continually changing as your SS walks through experiences in his/her life.

My friend, you have to move on from this. I know it'll be hard. Repeating your words: its like a scar on the body, it may heal but its still there. True! Take your time. Time is a healer. Life, they say, is a great teacher. I am sure you have learnt/are learning valuable lessons and this has helped you to better understand yourself. It'll be very unfair - both on yourself and for people close to you - if you don't come out of this because you deserve to be better. Liking/loving/crush is all part of life. Only a part. We land into problems when we think it is life. I know you understand this. You are smart enough not keep brooding about this. I am confident you will move on. You have to. You will. You will emerge as a better and stronger person.

Life teaches many things. This aspect of life is definitely not 'one-hit, you miss' kinda thing. There will be lots of 'meetings' later on. You know that. Forrest Gump said "Life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get" - so god-damn right. [However later in the same movie, he said "I am not a smart man, but I know what love is". What can I say?! (I included this because I know you'll counter argue the previous quote. Shut up! Don't say anything :D)]

Who knows, years down the line when you are happily married and have four kids, you sit back and introspect you may feel it was good that this was not meant to be.

Life moves on, I am sure you will too.

Hope this helps. All the best!


  1. wow maybe the person you are referring to should consider a planB to the devdas-paro concept .... please dont repeat history ... look for a chanda darl n move on !!!!!!!!!!!

    dun u be a loser like Devaji <3

  2. looks like ur frnd took it a bit too seriously when she said no...atm my guess is he is way too concentrated on his short comings...reasons he might have got rejected for..just give it some time...time heals all wounds m8..this is not a bad time to go on a holiday..if u ask me...relax...take ur mind of things...
    " Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from
    One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money ".. :)


  3. @ Abhishek

    LOL. Abhi's law of conservation of Love. Well said man. ty!

  4. Sriram, thank you for reading my blog and leaving a lovely comment. Appreciate it!

    And the female version of Devdas? Meena Kumari! :)

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  6. Sri, firstly, a great post. Your writing and your blog keeps growing in quality with every new post.

    Good advice, not just to your friend but also to anyone who has gone through such scenario or currently going through it. Some very nice,positive words in your post.Its true that time is a healer and life is a great teacher. But Certain things are easy said than done and am sure you will agree with that.

    These are challenging times and your friend needs to keep faith and hold on to his/her self esteem.I believe your friend has to be positive, keep the chin high and keep moving forward. It sure will take time to get over things and move on but it will happen.People around your friend will have a major part to play in his/her recovery, they need to constantly feed him/her with lot of positivity and also find ways to keep him/her occupied.
    In my opinion, as long as the mind is busy and occupied and thought process is clear, time will heal the wound. Again, it is hard, very hard but can be done!!

    Memories will be there but with time, once you archive them,you are ready to make a fresh start.Remember, good things take time. Like I always say, in my own words - "Life blossoms with love but only when found with the right person!"

  7. Sujatha, thanks for the Meena Kumari info. I've never heard of her. Will look it up :D

    Ganesh, kalakra ma! orey *pull arichings* Hey seriously, thanks. That was good.

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  9. Good to advice but hope yr friend listens to you..Well about love, we have grown up with this myth and these days its a must.. Some people infact enjoy even updating like mobile and laptop and thats when people like u stop and help them out to use their brains... Ur friend needs to move on.. If not today atleast tomorrow
    Nothing more to say cuz "advice pannardhu halwa sapudra madri" ;)

  10. maitrayee, correct. lol at quote à la solradhu easy, seiyardhu kashtam. ty!

  11. Good advice sri..loved reading it..well all these are felt by every soul in love at some point of time..many have said that its easy to move on..i don't agree..easy to say move on but not when your love is genuine..and updating or buying THINGS cannot be compared to a FEELING..its best healed through patience, hope and can achieve anything if you have the above..i really hope that things settle and fall in the right place for ya friend soon(God willing!!)

  12. Hey Sarah, I agree...THINGS can NEVER be compared to FEELINGS!!Experiencing true LOVE, true FEELINGS is just priceless. Sometimes you find it in one hit and sometimes it takes few hits to find that true LOVE and when your LOVE is genuine, you will do anything to succeed in that LOVE.People at times misinterpret LOVE into many other feelings.In my opinion, its very hard to explain true LOVE in words. One has to truly experience it to feel it and understand it.I believe LOVE happens, you cant make it happen!!

  13. sarah, thanks. I hope so too.

    G, well said mate!


    All that can be said/adviced is here. It is upto the person(s) to realise, understand and execute.


  14. lol..good read & encouragment for people who're in that situation..your use of vocabulary awsome maccha..


  15. True true ganesh..Feeling loved is the best ever feeling one can ever experience and its absolutely precious and priceless!!...and people in love TRUE love understand it the best.

  16. yen sensitive corner'ah touch panitta da...i tell u.. u go down in a spiral.. the carpet under u gets pulled off when ur standing on it.. and then.. u have no place to hold that u fall.. that too into a well.. and then... ur climbing up.. one step forward two steps back.. coz umm not only does ur self esteem goes down.. but ur fearful... society that never really played an important role as ur soo innocent..or more so ignorant.. .. ur tale which really does not matter.. but just a talk for time pass.. takes its toll.. especially when you're scared.. but at the end of the day.. ur over it.. although the scar is there.. but your fear of being accepted.. making all the wrongs go right.. sometimes.. is difficult u know.. its like.. u lose the closest relationships.. its like when ur not at the right place at the right time.. u lose it.. sometimes is like that when ur building blocks in a relationship is hit at its foundation.. i dontknow.. and after time has healed lets say.. its a dry streak;).. u become desensitised.. because you've experienced everything.. that pain is numbed out.. when it comes around again, it does not hurt soo bad.. or more so.. you just let go without trying..
    kanna.. i got nothing to comment.. this is how i feel.. :)..
    ni sollu avakitaa - .. this is nothing, wait for the after math.. u'll get over it.. only when the life after it comes.. even then.. u wont forget them.. its like kabhi alvida naa kahana.. altho ur not in the situation like abhishek and rani.. abhishek refers to her as his best friend and invites her to his wedding with another woman.. thatz exactly.. they will always be your first love.. bound by a friendship.. u'll always remember them..

    this is probably irrelevant.. but this is well my revelation on radha krishna's relationship actually..
    actualy i wrote this to someone else.. and ive just copy pasted it:).. bcause i wanted to share it with you too:).. adhaaan quotation marks la pootrunken..
    "i had been dwelling on it for a bit..and this is what i thought.... pardon my ignorance if i get facts or more so history:) incorrectly...
    they were in love.. and yes krishna went on to marry someone else... he did not deny to rukmini or sathyabama that he was in love with radha.. so that made it ok. ppl make mistakes... i know love can be in many levels - father and son, mother and daughter, husband and wife and GirlFriend and Boyfriend which is what they were. i guess radha married someone too... her stories were not recorded coz she was not there to give the geetha to i think when a man does something it always is accepted by the society.. im not being sexist.. but it is the truth.. im not also guilty of it.. when my friend and her husband argue, i undoubtedly support her husband coz i think he is never wrong in my eyes, same with when my parents used to fight.. so i bet radha also married someone.. who understood that past is past.. but it is not recorded in history.. or we beleive she lived in his memories... which i do not think is practical as a woman growing old alone.. but yes they loved each other.. love may not be about lust and only about the truth.. i do not deny it.. i just think it is about sharing.. love grows exponentially when shared feelings (may be im talking in the surface level - i dont know if you go to geetha class part of chinmaya mission and heard of their BMI charts - feelings are surface level and the higher level is something i cant remember) but it just is better.. so, krishna may be the good guy that gave us geetha.. which i have not read yet... i want to and i will one day.. when im ready for its depth.. when i read it,most of the time it goes over my head.. but krishna is also the one that killed karna who is actually one of my fav character - the giver.. so i was guttered.. krishna is still who i pray too everyday.. coz he was my fav god as a kid:).. but because i believe sharing is caring and sharing is love, i think i love the story of shiv and parvathi better.. shiv loves like cwazy... i dont knw if you know their love stories.. very beautifull actually.. ;). im iyengar right lol..and iyengars actually back home dont pray to shiv.. they dont go to shiv temples. .. but yea.. i kinda went the other way on so many things it dont matter.shiv and pravathi's love for one another,, i dont know how to describe that content and bliss and hapy feeling guess that is what is love and the best part is she was always the only one.. guess he did not get the opportunity to go wrong first time like krishna had to leave radha..
    it is not wrong to make mistakes.. it happens sometimes... its all about how you overcome difficult times and move on.. i guess that is what i learnt from krishna and radha's relationship:).. which to me is more human and that is why i love it.:)... its ok to keep loving someone.. and maintaining that respect for them.. but it does not mean you cannot love other things or ppl .. because u know how they say love is the divine.. so it is the thing that is shared.. from u to around you.. so its possible that krishna loved rukmini and sathyabama equally but just because he never forgot radha it was deemed more powerful love than ever.. what im trying to say that u dont need to forget your past.. just b able to accept it and face the future i is just much nicer when you can share it with the same person.. and when you make mistakes, it is much nicer when you make it up to the same person.. ppooor krishna, it dint work out for him. but he knew what he was doing i guess..
    may be i raffled on too much.. well hopefully what im trying to say makes sense.just wanted to let you know what i thought..

  17. Interesting that this post of yours drew the most comments. hehe.
    that in itself explains one thing. however different the philosophy or approach towards love is for people, most people are keen to have an opinion on it. Most people have experienced it.
    to justify any one becomes an impossibility because love is the most heterogenous emotion in the world.

    whether you call it a crush, whether you call it true love or that its a bit of that and a bit of this,
    it is all what YOU CHOOSE TO label it.

    love is when you have the balls to do something about a like.

  18. anon, hehe. Remember it's lauve not Love.

    K, you just hit the 'lover'bial nail on the head. ty!

  19. sri, some one loves you dawg!!!

    good stuff. keep writing.

  20. sathiya, my friend passed his "thx" for ur lengthy email.

    Kumanan, :D

  21. @Sriram...commendable thought put into this. perfectly said!

    @the person going through this - You will definitely come out of this and will have become a better and stronger person because it's not easy! You are slowly healing your heart and mind I am sure... I have a friend in a similar situation and I know it feels like there's no life beyond this issue! However, as Sri said, this is only a 'part' of your life. Don't make it your life! That's when big trouble hits you. You were really brave to turn your liking into love by conveying your feeling to that girl, but you can't make love happen, it will have to come from within. And if it doesn't work, she is not the right one for you. It may seem like you'll never find another girl towards whom you'll feel this way, but this feeling is definitely going to cross your mind again. Trust me on this one! Don't worry about not being able to love someone else the same way because that's what my friend worries about. You will certainly have the chance to express your love and it will be reciprocated. This particular journey will have made you tough. Accepting everything that comes your way and getting over it with a smile is the best way to go because seriously, nothing's worth the suffering of your precious tender mind. Although, like everyone else seems to have said, it's easier said than done! All I know is, everyone is capable of doing can and will do it :D. In the future, you'll feel ready to take on anything that life throws at you. Good luck!

  22. super comment, Pearls of life. Very well put. No guy/girl is worth ones tears.